Pairing: Kim Joonmyun & Huang Zitao
Disclaimer: i do not own anything but the plot.
Summary: Jongdae deems that Joonmyun needs to be laid. On the lips.
a/n: for exoticmisty. also, not edited. can't write for nuts help
The first thing Jongdae says to Joonmyun when he arrives at that cosy cafe just around bend, is:
“Joonmyun, you need to get laid.”
The sound of metal spoon clinking against porcelain as Jongdae stirs his cup of expresso is loud and grating to Joonmyun’s ears. All things considered, Jongdae has surely said things much worse than this, so it takes Joonmyun by surprise by he finds himself puffing air out of his nose in indignation. He actually takes offense in this, no biggie.
“Abstinence before marriage,” he simply replies.
Jongdae blinks. “Uh. I kind of meant laid like. Having your first kiss. Because, you’ve kind of lived through two decades without even knowing how lips apart from your mum’s taste like.”
“I’ve never kissed my mum! Well, not on the lips,” he mumbles, darting eyes to avoid Jongdae’s narrowing eyes. Joonmyun is a virgin through and through, and well, he doesn’t really minds. He’s (sexy free and) single and life isn’t too horrid without someone by his side. University takes up most of the spare time he has and whatever he’s left with, he uses it to catch up on his sleep. And sometimes, get questioned about his lovelife by merciless friends.
“Anyway, abstinence before-”
“Come on. Joonmyun, first kiss after marriage? Do you want to end up like the couples in The Virgin Diaries?” Joonmyun winces when the drama major abruptly stands up and slams his fists on the table. His expresso sloshes dangerously.
“You. Need. To. Get. Laid.” The finality in Jongdae’s words is enough for Joonmyun to hold back. He settles on frowning instead.
“But I don’t want to kiss any Tom, Dick or Harry!”
“Yes no dic- Jongdae.”
He smirks in response. Jongdae takes out his phone and starts scrolling through his long list of contacts. Joonmyun smells Something Amiss.
“Jongdae, are you doing what I’m thinking you are-”
“Huang Zitao’s number!” Jongdae waves his phone around like a trophy, wicked grin on his face. “I got his number that day when I said that I needed to call my phone to find it.”
Joonmyun swallows thickly. It wasn’t wise to get drunk after his last paper of the semester, because he ended up spilling out half his life to his best friend, who didn’t even turn red in the face despite drinking more than him. And by half his life, he really means sobbing to him the rest of that night about that tall Qingdao boy in his faculty with a glare that could kill.
Jongdae hasn’t stopped teasing him since.
“Why. Jongdae why are you telling me this.” Joonmyun buries his head in his arms and he visualizes cats. White, fluffy cats. Think happy thoughts, he once read, think happy thoughts to trample the bad ones.
“So you can, um, kiss him?” Jongdae states like it’s the most obvious thing to do, but no one really goes around saying, “Hi, I like you, let me kiss you and regret it for the next century that I live.” Joonmyun can only cringe.
“Because you can’t kiss. I’ve seen you kiss your Kyuhyun poster and can I just say ew-”
“I! Can! Kiss!” This topic is getting out of hand. Joonmyun sees the other customers in the cafe staring at them both. One couple throws them a look of distaste and proceeds to cover their young son’s ears.
“You’ve never kissed before. You can’t be a good kisser if you’ve never kissed before,” Jongdae points out flatly.
“I can still be a good kisser!”
“Well then,” Jongdae inches closer, eyes glinting and full of mischief, “I dare you to kiss Huang Zitao.”
Joonmyun doesn’t reply. For one, he doesn’t trust his own reply. Two, he is actually contemplating on this. He settles for squirming in his seat instead.
“Look, Jongdae-” he starts, but the younger male cuts him off swiftly by standing up and brushing his pants of invisible specks of dusts. “I don’t know about you, but I won’t want to be late for the first lecture of the day. See you!”
Joonmyun can only stare at Jongdae’s backview getting smaller and smaller before he realises, with a start, that he has a lecture to attend to as well. In five minutes.
His phone vibrates and lights up. It’s a text from Jongdae.
Here’s Zitao’s number. Fighting!
Joonmyun lets out an inaudible whimper. He starts to visualize white, fluffy cats instead.
Joonmyun reaches the lecture theatre just in time, nearly out of breath. His lecturer gives him a pointed glare, but Joonmyun tries to ignore it and he scurries to the nearest empty seat.
When his lecturer starts to talk, Joonmyun zips open his bag to take out his laptop so that he can take notes. But.
Joonmyun, you are a piece of shit. His bag is empty save for a notebook and a couple of stationeries. He must have left his laptop on his dining table in his hurry to get to the cafe. Now he has nothing to take his notes with.
He slides down his plastic seat in utter despair, mentally berating himself again and again. It’s only when his lecturer announces that the rest of the time is allocated to group research on the management system of Korea Air Lines Co. Ltd that he starts punching his own arm. Group research means online group research. Online research means internet. Internet means laptop.
Joonmyun’s too busy wallowing in his own pool of unshed tears. So when someone taps his shoulder and whispers into his ears, he isn’t ready for it.
“You need help?” Joonmyun whips his head around faster than he ever had at the sound of the softly spoken voice.
Huang Zitao holds out his laptop and smiles. “You don’t have a laptop right? We can share.” Joonmyun detects heavy Chinese accent laced in the simple Korean words Zitao says, but he hears the sincerity in his voice. He shakes himself out of his shocked daze and manages to conjure up a weak smile. “Yeah. Um, thank you so much.”
Zitao jumps into the seat next to him and they begin to research. Satellite headquarters? Expansion? Scratch that. Joonmyun only knows that the both of them are approximately three centimetres apart and Zitao is warm against his own skin. Is it just him or is the temperature rising?
Needless to say, Joonmyun is rendered useless for the whole period. Zitao is the one making notes and copying and pasting the right informations onto a single word document, but the younger male doesn’t seem to mind.
Before the lecture session ends, Zitao turns to him and requests for his email. “So we can work on this together,” he tells him. Joonmyun complies, and he silently has his stomach flipping excitedly because Kim Joonmyun has the Huang Zitao’s email. One point to Joonmyun.
In the entire thirty-four seconds that Zitao takes to keep his laptop back into his bag, Joonmyun has an internal struggle with himself. He doesn’t know whether he should just say it, but when he sees Zitao slinging his bag over his (broad) shoulders, he blurts out, “want to go out for dinner?”
Zitao pauses in mid-action. He blinks innocently, complete with eyelashes fluttering and eyes concentrated on him. Joonmyun melts a little inside. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“I said,” Joonmyun clears his throat and tries to hide the waver in his voice, “I’d like to treat you to dinner. Because you’ve saved me today.”
The lecture theatre is getting emptier by the second. Joonmyun can almost see the gears in Zitao’s head whirling, and when he finally registers what Joonmyun had just asked of him, the gears fit into place.
“Sure!” Zitao doesn’t smile persay, but Joonmyun hears the pleasant surprise in the single syllable. He relaxes his rigid muscles and stiff neck in relief, because he was so sure just now that Zitao was going to reject his offer.
Zitao takes out his phone from his jeans pocket. “I’ll give you my number-”
“Oh no it’s okay, Jongdae gave it to me.” Half a millisecond later, it hits Joonmyun at the back of his head, hard, because he’s basically implied that he’s a stalker of Zitao. Jongdae has always laughed about him getting into these kinds of awkward social situations, but he’s never really expected any of them to come true.
Zitao scrunches his face up. “Jongdae...? As in Kim Jongdae, that drama major?” Joonmyun nods apprehensively, and Zitao shoots him a look of understanding. “Ahh. Okay then. Call me soon!”
He waves goodbye and heads for the exit. Joonmyun is left flabbergasted at his departure.
“What the fuck Joonmyun you’re such a loser.”
Joonmyun can’t even muster up the energy to narrow his eyes down at Jongdae, who’s currently sprawled out on his bed while munching on a packet of Lays. A salty crumb falls on his holy sleeping ground. He mentally remembers to change the bedsheets after Jongdae leaves.
“What do I do now? Jongdae I can’t do this, I’ve talked to him for approximately a minute and I’ve embarrassed myself so many times already! I can’t possibly treat him to dinner!”
“What do you mean. Besides, don’t you yearn for your first kiss?” Jongdae makes a disgusting kissy face coupled with irksome sound effects. Joonmyun throws his Tamara pillow at him in an attempt to shut him up.
“I’m not going to kiss him on our first date!” He’s blushing red and hard at the word date, he really can’t deal with this. “We have to take it slow, through the process-”
“Yada yada yada. Kim Joonmyun it’s the twenty-first century. please grow out of your Disney princess fantasies. Just kiss him for fuck’s sake.”
Joonmyun crosses his arms determinately. “I won’t and you will not be able to do anything about it.”
At this, Jongdae quickly sits up straight and cracks his neck, the packet of chips all forgotten. “Are you testing me,” he deadpans, “because, I sooooo can.”
There’s an Evil Glint in Jongdae’s eyes once again. Joonmyun is very, very intimidated.
To: Huang Zitao
Hey! Sorry for bothering you, but about the dinner -- tomorrow? At EXO’s? 7pm?
To: Kim Joonmyun
From: Huang Zitao
idk where exo is hahaha but okay! i’ll wait for you outside your dorm, yeah?
“Wow, EXO is... expensive?” Expensive isn’t the word for it, but Joonmyun lets it slide. EXO is the most popular and expensive restaurant in the area, and it’s always fully booked. The only reason why Joonmyun is able to get a table is because the manager of the restaurant is Minseok, his long time good friend.
Minseok is also the one who shows him in, crisp black suit and all. He brings them over to a table in the more secluded part of the restaurant, where it’s less privy to the eyes of public. Joonmyun does enjoy privacy, after all.
Minseok leaves them for a while so that they can choose their dinner in peace. Joonmyun looks up at Zitao opposite him, eyes finally scanning his outfit of the day thoroughly. Zitao’s casually dressed in his button-up and denim jeans, which he looks absolutely stunning in, despite the fact that it’s a little too underdressed for EXO’s style. Joonmyun, on the other hand, has a navy blue dress shirt and black slacks on, both neatly pressed. He’s posh, and posh people take their first date over to posher restaurants.
“What would you like to have for dinner?” Joonmyun prodes gently. Zitao is still staring intently at the menu, silently mouthing and enunciating the whole menu. His eye bags are deep but full of curiosity. Joonmyun softens at this side of Zitao, who’s always known to be a brooding figure in the campus.
“Um. Anything? You order, they all seem... expensive?”
Joonmyun does just that. They make small talk while waiting for the food to be prepared, and he finds out that apart from mastering wushu, Zitao also likes to collect Hello Kitties plushies. “I once queued up for four hours at the McDonalds’ outside my house! But it was worth it, the Singing Bone model was really cute!” Zitao then proceeds to show him a photo of his Hello Kitty collection, gushing over each and every one of them.
“Joonmyun his lips are approximately ten centimetres apart from yours KISS HIM NOW.” Joonmyun winces as the earpiece in his left ear cackles to life. He peeks over Zitao’s shoulders -- Jongdae is crouched behind the pillar, eyes squinted with a pair of binoculars in his hands. Absolutely necessary when his target is just a few metres away.
Zitao catches Joonmyun being distracted and turns around to look as well. “What’s wrong?” he asks puzzledly, craning his neck to spot whatever the older male is looking at. Joonmyun merely shakes his head quickly and resumes their conversation.
Jongdae that moustache really isn’t working, Zitao will still recognise who you are, he texts from under the table. Jongdae makes it a point to turn his nose up at him and adjust the itchy fabric sitting above his lips instead.
“FUCKING KISS HIM BEFORE DINNER ARRIVES YOU PIECE OF SHIT.” His good friend continue hurling vulgarities at him under the pretense of coughing under the table. Minseok goes up to check up on him, but Jongdae swats him away.
Meanwhile, Joonmyun is feeling really nervous. His lunch is on the verge of being thrown out. He must look really green in the face, because Zitao suddenly clamps his hands over his own, thumb rubbing comforting circles on the insides of his palm. When he looks up, the younger male's face has lines wrinkled with worry, eyes wide in woe. Joonmyun finds the energy to smile weakly, to tell him he's really fine, and Zitao curves his mouth upwards into a sincere smile.
One. Two Three. Four. Joonmyun counts four teeth gleaming right at him.
One. Two. Three. Joonmyun counts three buttons on Zitao's shirt unbuttoned from the top.
One. Two. Joonmyun sees two dark brown orbs swirling in the depths of twin crescents.
One. Joonmyun sees a full, plump lip that looks absolutely kissable, right in front of him.
It's really now or never.
"KIM JOONMYUN YOU BETTER KISS THAT FINE PIECE OF MEAT OR ELSE-"
And Joonmyun hecks it. He pulls Zitao forward by the hand and when they're close enough, he mashes their lips together. He has absolutely no idea what he's doing, and he's pretty sure the whole restaurant's staring at them now (Jongdae's screeches are really deafening), but now that things have come to this, he really doesn't care.
When they pull away, Joonmyun's heaves and breathes heavily. Zitao's face is void of expression. Joonmyun wouldn't blame him if he hated him right now and then.
It's silently awkward for about ten seconds. "Um, about that-" Joonmyun starts, but Zitao curtly cuts him off.
"You kiss with too much tongue and force and mouth. It was a horrible kiss."
Zitao has a look on that could kill. The older male is 600% sure he's messed up big time.
But then Zitao breaks into a gentle smile and holds Joonmyun's hands warmly in his. "But I have an eternity to teach you how to perfect it. Firsthand experience, you game?"
Joonmyun merely responds with a peck to his cheek.
note: out of ten how obvious was it that i gave up writing this at the end