carrisauce (pleaseuu) wrote in chanteol,

code red (evacuate)

title: code red (evacuate)
rating: pg-13
pairing: kim jongdae & oh sehun
length: ~3100w
disclaimer: i do not own anything but the plot.
summary: jongdae tries to be the helpful wingman between his best friend and "that hot one" but things don't go exactly as he planned. pick up lines might help??? maybe???
a/n: a late fill for this prompt over at exopromptmeme. thank you to op for posting this lovely prompt, and thank you shailvi (perfectiontales) for egging me on! this is actually a horrible fill which i rushed through in the middle of two nights. i hope this is not a horrible addition to the list of chenhun fics? :)

"yah. kim jongin. kim jongggggiinnnnn."

it's only when jongdae waves a hand in front his best friend that jongin snaps out of his trance. eyes glazed and fingers not coordinating, jongin drops the metal spoon in his hand with a loud clank. "aish," he mutters mostly to himself, seemingly still distracted as he bends down to the floor to grab the spoon.

jongin reappears in front of jongdae, disgruntled. jongdae takes in his best friend's non-existent smile and the way he was getting increasingly fidgety over the past few weeks. well, not like kim jongin ever smiled to the general population, but jongdae's best friend radar was tingling, signaling code red. there was something jongin wasn't telling him. hmmm.

jongdae clucks his tongue and nudges him not-so gently. "why so glum, child? who's the one getting on your nerves that even your ultra responsible and totally sensible best friend can't know about?"

jongin doesn't scoff or roll his eyes, which ruffles some of jongdae's metaphorical peacock feathers because jongin has never failed to do that when self-praise and jongdae even collide ever so slightly. "i'm not glum, i'm--"


"what? no, i'm--"

"a slumdog millionaire."


"wait wait let me guess!"

"godammit jongdae i like someone!"

the tension falls and leads way to cricketing silence. jongdae slowly blinks a few times before attempting to respond. "so this isn't a rhyming game?"

jongin waves his hands wildly in the air, seemingly frustrated. very uncommon for a species such as him to have such a large reaction, but jongdae takes notice of the bigger situation at hand. "no, i... like someone."

jongin's turning red. jongdae only grins even wider. "who is it? tell me jongin! who is it that has melted your icy cold heart? who is this knight in shining armour who has come to save the damsel in distress?"

"you're dramatic," he mumbles, but points in a very general direction behind jongdae's head, "that hot one over there."

jongdae turns his head and follows jongin line of vision. the cafeteria is sparse at this time of the day, and immediately he's able to pick out two boys sitting in a table of their own, sharing earphones while talking to each other. jongdae recognises the two, mainly because one has bubblegum pink hair (that's oh sehun) and the other taller one (that's huang zitao) is renowned for winning many wushu competitions for the school. also, they're always stuck to the hips no matter where they go. people are bound to notice something when two towers walk together all the time during school hours.

the hot one, eh? as far as jongdae's concerned, sehun is the finest piece of meat around. a little bit on the skinny side, but he has a face structure carved out by maidens and a lean body that makes the uniform he's wearing right now fit so snugly. he does have a weird choice of hair dyes (google search: rainbow chalk hair), but that problem can be fixed.

oh sehun doesn't look much like the knight in shining armour he had envisioned, but he would have to do.

"oh," he echoes. "oh."

jongin's eyeing him warily, like he has already started regretting his decision to tell jongdae about his crush on sehun. "don't you dare say a word of this to anyone."

"oh i won't," jongdae replies smoothly, "i'm your super responsible and totally sensible best friend."


truth to be told, jongdae only promised jongin to not tell anyone about it. he never said anything about not meddling in jongin's love affairs.

jongin might be... a little introverted and shy when it comes to getting the attention of people he liked. he doesn't talk much in public when not necessary, simply because there's nothing interesting he can say. jongin lives in a world filled with more fictional manga characters than real people, preferring to observe than having to open his mouth. in fact, if jongin hadn't accidentally slammed jongdae into the school locker while being immersed reading from his phone, resulting in a severe nosebleed, he wouldn't have had to bring jongdae to the first aid room, and they wouldn't have even gotten to know each other.

if people actually knew how bad jongin was at socializing, no one would want to get near him.

thank god for kim jongdae.

so he figures that as the ultra responsible and totally sensible best friend he is, he could act as the wingman between sehun and jongin. it probably wouldn't hurt. too much.

sighs. what would jongin do without him.


it's a coincidence that jongdae and sehun have free periods at the same time. it is, however, not a coincidence that jongdae saunters confidently up to sehun by his locker when jongin isn't around, and says, "are you made of fluorine, iodine, and neon? because i think you are f-i-ne -- fine."

sehun's eyes, though droopy, are expressive with varying degrees of confusion and jongdae can already see the many question marks forming in his head. "i'm sorry, what?"

he clears his throat, "i said hello, i am kim jongdae. nice to meet you!"

sehun takes a while before he slowly shakes the other man's extended hand, as if merely touching it would cause a bomb to detonate. "uh. hi. i'm oh sehun?"

"i know you are," jongdae says reassuringly, teeth showing. sehun's expression says otherwise, but jongdae takes no heed. "i guess i'll see you around then. bye!"

"bye?" sehun's voice echoes in the empty hallway, jongdae having ran off already.

but jongdae is pleased with himself. step one to being a wingman: mission success.


somehow, this mission is going really smoothly. jongdae and sehun have progressed from being awkward strangers in the hallways to friends (somewhat?) that attempt to get to know each other. along the way, jongdae gains his phone number and he considers this a very big achievement on his part.

he messages sehun almost whenever he has his phone with him, talking about everything and anything under the sun. how his day had gone, how he was chewed out during choir practice that day, how the school cat had hissed so loudly at him. rude.

sehun, in turn, tells him that he secretly still likes disney movies and that he cries whenever the scene where ariel loses her voice comes up, he hates putting milk in his cereal, and on wednesdays he's always especially grumpy in the morning because that's his longest day of the whole day. it's the small bits and pieces of his life that sehun feeds to jongdae that makes him and their friendship more and more complete.

but of course, as a man of principles, jongdae doesn't forget his mission at hand. every day without fail, he messages an overly suggestive pick up line or two ("if i could rearrange the alphabets, i would put my dick in your mouth") over to sehun. sometimes more, if he's up to it. since it's for jongin, it's really not him being humiliated, but jongin in the end. he doesn't really care.

sehun's a good sport to who tries to keep up. if i could rearrange the alphabets, i would put u and i together, his reply had been. a for effort, jongdae had replied back. he wonders if his constant attempts at pick up lines were now immune to sehun, but decides to continue on since it was already a part of their daily conversations anyway. sehun didn't seem to take any offense in it, either.

as sehun starts shedding his shell to show jongdae more of himself, jongdae starts to see sehun as more than the "that hot one" who has piqued his best friend's interest. beyond the notorious choice of hair dyes ("life is boring without a bit of fun in life," sehun had told him when he asked) is a boy wanting to venture out into the world. he's someone jongdae wouldn't mind spending time with, because sehun is a new friend, not just a potential love interest for jongin. he wants to discover more about sehun's habits, what time he sleeps, what is his favourite colour, whether he can cook, the type of movies he likes, the type of dates he prefer.

yup. jongdae's just looking at him as a friendly puppy to pet on the head. nothing else.


from: funky jd
to: ohz
omfg im locked out of my room

from: funky jd
to: ohz

from: funky jd
to: ohz

from: ohz
to: funky jd
copper tellurium n___n

from: funky jd
to: ohz
thanks sehun i love you too n___n


the thing about jongdae and sehun is that no one around them knows of their friendship. so when sehun and zitao walks up to the table jongdae and jongin are sitting at so that the two new friends could exchange pleasantries, jongin seems more than surprised.

"when did you get so friendly with him," jongin asks, eyes never leaving the backs of the two who had left after jongdae ruffles sehun's hair.

jongdae pauses, chopsticks hanging in midair. is jongin jealous? he can't really tell. jongin doesn't show emotions that easily. but no! he can't let slip of this ultra secret mission to match-make sehun and jongin together. "shhh. it's for your own good," is the reply he settles for.




finally. after weeks of careful planning and overly crude flirting (all for his best friend, he swears), jongdae thinks that it's time for sehun and jongin to get it down and dirty. figuratively.

he texts sehun, hey let's hang out! n___n

ahhh i'm shy >///<, is what sehun texts back.

come on it'll be fun. OHZ.

so sehun complies and jongdae tells him the location and time to meet. there's a sudden clench in his heart when he thinks about how sehun will no longer be looking at him, shy smile and gentle voice and all. sure they'll still be friends, but jongdae's pretty sure that when sehun gets all wrapped up in jongin's good looks and arms he'll totally forget about him. sehun will never text him randomly ever again, because there are things more important than live texting a whole disney movie to a friend.

but nah. jongdae brushes this feeling off as losing both his good and best friend all at the same time when it comes. he's probably feeling lonely just thinking about it. yeah.

so he pushes this thought to the back of his mind -- there are things more important right at that moment! -- and texts sehun one last time.

wear your best clothes! tonight, your life will change ;)


("hey jongin, let's hang out tonight!"

"so suddenly? but okay i guess."

"at restaurant exo okay! i have a reservation at seven!"

"grand much? ah well, i have something to tell you as well. i guess i'll see you there."

"wear your best clothes! tonight, your life will change for the better!"

"'s already changed for the better. but hyung, you never fail to surprise me even when i expect it. so hit me with your best shot!")


jongdae's already sitting there when sehun arrives. sehun's wearing a dress shirt and jeans that further accentuates his long torso and legs. hot damn.

"sorry, i rushed over," sehun breathes. jongdae takes in sehun's flustered look, how his hair, though dyed a normal shade of brown, looks mussed (probably from running); how his fingers tremble when he pulls the chair opposite jongdae to sit on; how he licks his lips nervously and eyes flick downwards when he realises jongdae is staring at him intently; how he still looks perfect--

wait. no. jongdae, you've got a mission here, no time to get distracted!

"yeah, well it's okay, i didn't wait very long," jongdae says. his palms start to sweat and he wipes it off on his pants unconsciously. "you. dyed your hair dark brown?"

"you told me to look my best," sehun mumbles, hands playing with themselves. jongdae vaguely recalls telling sehun that he looked the best back then when he had that same shade, when sehun spam-sent him his past pictures. so he does take his words to heart. a light smile plays on jongdae's lips. "ordering?"

silence befalls on them when they have a hold of the menus. jongdae peeks over his own (he's not going to stay in the restaurant anyway) and sees sehun mouthing his potential dinner choices to himself. sehun is cute, jongdae has never denied that. he has never wanted to pet sehun more than he has now.

jongin where the fuck are you, he messages. ten seconds he gets his reply: i'm around the bend shut up.

soon enough he spots jongin walking over to their table, face distorting when he realises that someone is sitting in his seat.

"uh, what is sehun doing here?"

time to piece the puzzles together. jongdae smirks and stands up, arms spread open like he's opening a show. "well you see, as jongin's super responsible and totally sensible best friend, i saw fit to bring the two of you future lovebirds together! seeing how wimpy jongin can be when it comes to things like this, i, the magnificent kim jongdae, have taken the initiative to bridge the gap between the two of you!"

both sehun and jongin have their mouths hanging open, like as if there was a loose screw in jongdae's head. they're probably shocked at my brilliant plan, he thinks to himself. "well sehun," he says, petting sehun (squeals) on the head, "jongin is pretty kuudere, so once you strip him off the surface, you'll find what you need." he throws sehun a wink, which in turn throws sehun off guard.

"kim jongdae, what the fuck," jongin spats after a moment of silence. "why would i like sehun? i've known him for years and i don't? like him?"

now it's jongdae's turn to be thrown off. "wait what. you've known sehun for years?"

"yeah, we're in the same dance club," sehun says, "even through middle school."

"jongin has friends other than me?"

"yes. that i never told you about because you never bothered asking me about dance club anyway."

wait. this is confusing. jongdae can feel a headache coming, he's not paid for this shit. "but you were pointing at him! isn't he that hot one?"

"you think i'm hot?" sehun asks a little hopefully.

"yes! but-- that's! not the point!" jongdae flails his arms around, unable to form coherent thoughts. this is not how it was supposed to go. "let me get this straight. jongin likes someone that isn't sehun and i have been match-making the wrong people together all along?" the two nod in earnest unison. "then who's the one you've been crushing on?"

"i believe that is me." wushu boy zitao slides up behind jongin and places his arms around his waist. jongin doesn't flinch, but a shade of red tints his cheeks. "this is the good news i was telling you about. zitao and i are together now."

this is all going horribly wrong. "uh," jongdae says, backing away from the table slowly, confidence slowly diminishing. "this is code red, i repeat, this is code red."

all three of his prosecutors stare at jongdae trying desperately to become one with the wall. "besides," jongin says, ignoring his best friend's pleas, "i thought you were going after sehun? because he always texts me after you tell him some cheesy ass pick up line like the schoolgirl he is. i was going to go crazy after the twentieth time sehun caps-locked to me about how perfectly cut your jaw was."

if looks could kill, sehun would have mauled jongin. "you said you wouldn't tell!" he wails, burying his head deep in his palms.

jongin likes zitao. zitao likes jongin. sehun likes jongdae. this is not reality.

"fuck, that backfired. code red. code red. evacuate. retreat. fuck, he is hot."

"hyung--" jongin begins but jongdae is out of the restaurant in the flash.


jongdae doesn't run very far before he hears sehun calling out his name.

"hyung, hyung--" sehun's grasp on jongdae's wrist is tight, causing the latter to jerk to a sudden stop. the feel of sehun's slender fingers is surprisingly warm and comforting, sending electric shocks right up his arm.

sehun has those sad puppy eyes on, like whenever he asks jongdae to accompany to get his daily dose of bubble tea. or whenever he can't choose a new spunky hair colour. yeah. jongdae can't resist those brown orbs circling in on him.

he settles for a sigh. "i'm sorry for setting you up with the wrong guy."

"no, it's okay." sehun's coming closer, hips pressing in. jongdae's breath hitches. this is illegal, oh god.

"you like me, don't you?" does he? all jongdae knows is that sehun smells really good from this distance and wow, was his lips ever that attractive?

"i know i like you," sehun says, insistent, "i've liked you even before we even met. i like you and your overflowing charisma onstage, because as a dancer, i never really had that. so when you approached me that day with the pick up line, i was beyond overjoyed. you finally noticed me. me."

"i memorised the whole periodic table so that i could hit you up. i spent hours looking through potential pick up lines that would make you laugh. i even rushed through dyeing my hair the shade of colour that you said you liked, because it was our first date and i didn't want to ruin it."

sehun puts his hands on jongdae's shoulder, eyes earnest. "can't you see? i did all this for you, because i like you. i don't tell jongin i watch disney movies. in fact, not even zitao knows. i trust you, hyung. the one i like is you."

it doesn't take jongdae much thought before he's tiptoeing, pushing in for a kiss. it's soft and gentle, and jongdae melts into it not long after.

when they pull apart, out of breath, jongdae says, "yes, i do think i like you after all."

sehun grins. his lips are red and swollen, but jongdae thinks he looks absolutely stunning still. "if i could rearrange the alphabets, i would put my dick in your mouth."

jongdae raises an eyebrow. "i have choir practice tomorrow."

"and so what?"


the next day, jongdae doesn't go for choir practice and sehun re-dyes his hair to lavender purple.

phew. being a wingman is hard when you're trying to match-make yourself and someone else together.

note: copper tellurium -- CuTe
Tags: fandom: exo, member: jongdae, member: sehun, pairing: chenhun
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded